OSA Dragon's Den

[Bonanza]

Now we all want to come up with "THE NEXT BIG THING" and become multi millionairs don't we!?!

Imagine I am one of them Dragons (but ovo I am not an arse like most of them are!) and you are pitching me your great world changing invention, or mega bucks making business idea.

To get you started I will tell you the two "brilliant" ideas I have (and yes I will sue the fook out of you if you steal them, don't think you will though!!!).

1. "ALCOPIES", "The pies that get you pissed. For when you are hungry and pissed but dont want to stop poisoning yourself with alcohol". 20% proof. (the slogan may need a bit of work admittadly, but I can't be an inventing genius and an advertising guru as well!)

2. "KEBANGERS", 'Kebab flavoured sausages, for when you are too pissed to get to the kebab shop, but not too pissed to work your grill'.

I doubt if you can come up with any better ideas than those, but give it a go peeps!

 

[Jiglo]

Hello Dragon....

My invention that i'd like to pitch to you tonight is going to be revolutionary in the world of dusty record shop junkies and the generally lazy DJ's who cannot be bothered to meticulously clean their records before playing them.

My idea then is for a cartridge that has a brush attached which sweeps away the dust before it has a chance to reach the stylus to degrade the sound or possibly worse, make the stylus jump.

For my first prototype I attached a perm comb, as i'd just bought some records in Liverpool that day and they have particularly bushy hair there, but I accidentally got carried away and played a record purchased in Manchester, but it struggled removing the cocaine and heroin from the grooves.

The next day I was playing a record from Skipton, but I found a brush to be inadequate, so I had to attach some clippers and a wet wipe to remove the sheep wool and old Babycham from the grooves. I also haven't quite worked out a way to remove cheap cider from the grooves from some records I played from Halesowen, or arse pubes and sex wee from some that I got off Shooms.

So basically Dragon, i'm looking for capital and help in developing my product of which i'd let you have a 50% share, for a 300k stake

 

[Bonanza]

HAhaha, yes Jiglo great idea!

If you can guarantee me that it can also brush away pie crumbs and gravy spillage for those DJ's from Wigan, then I AM IN for the full equity N that!!!

 

[alexbennett]

That cider from picks is enough to melt plastic .. lord only knows what it does to ur insides...
Gawd bless ya Jen !

 

[Barrie Jay]

Hello Dragon....

My invention that i'd like to pitch to you tonight is going to be revolutionary in the world of dusty record shop junkies and the generally lazy DJ's who cannot be bothered to meticulously clean their records before playing them.

My idea then is for a cartridge that has a brush attached which sweeps away the dust before it has a chance to reach the stylus to degrade the sound or possibly worse, make the stylus jump.

Like this ??

Used to have one years ago in my hi-fi rules days with a brush on the end.

What a load of fooking hassle, didn`t last long.

 

[Barrie Jay]

LAGER AND KEBAB TASTING SICKNESS TABLETS in packs of two

You first suck the lager flavoured tablet.

Hmm, boooze, nice.

Then you suck the kebab flavoured one.

Mmmmm, kebab, nice.

When the contents meet in your stomach it causes severe projectile vomiting.

The benefits:

Cuts down on alcohol consumption
Saves money
Provides a realistic alternative to a night on the piss
Guaranteed weight loss
No hangover

 

[Bonanza]

LAGER AND KEBAB TASTING SICKNESS TABLETS in packs of two

Wow now that defo is a new invention! I think there may be a reason why that has not been invented yet? :S

I have to say I am taking a real punt in backing this one but i have spoken with my fellow Dragon, Debora Weed-on (she is a right grumpy bitch isnt she!?!)and we will give you 70p for 900% of your invention.

Is it a deal?

 

[Barrie Jay]

Well, I already have plans for a kebab with red hot chilli sauce flavour so can you improve on that offer - perhaps to 1000% ??

If so....

 

[Bonanza]

Well, I already have plans for a kebab with red hot chilli sauce flavour so can you improve on that offer - perhaps to 1000% ??

If so....

Chilli lager kebab vomit tablets....... so the projectile vomit burns on the way out as well.....tempting! :|

Tell you what i will do one of them clauses deals they do on DD. I will give you 85p for 1001% of ur business, IF and only IF less than 10 people die from using ur product in the first year!?!

 

[wayne]

Mine is simple- A women that is always happy and horny...... This time next year i will be a millionare

 

[Bonanza]

Mine is simple- A women that is always happy and horny...... This time next year i will be a millionare

Mate u call that simple..... i take my hat off to u, that is true fuckin GENIUS!!!!

I am defo defo defo IN! I will give u a trillion £ for 1% of that action!!!

 

[leaky]

now then dragon

my big idea is for a portable laptop style media player, for the boys, (well for shooms to be a bit more pin pointy)
its basically a box with a screen that also has a motorised massage sleeve/pouch thing underneath that you pop your tallywhacker in whilst you watch your filth on the train plane boring meeting or wherever the mood takes you it would be clever and massage the weapon to work in unison to whatever is going on in the film it would be designed to look like a normal laptop so it wouldn't really make you look out of place, i mean every man and his dog slide thier dongles into laptops when out and about these days it would have a handy little removable pouch for disposing of the. ok ok i will stop now but you get the idea.

names for this product on a postcard please.

 

[SCR101.5]

'Hate Hearts', which are basically 'Love Heart' sweets with a negative slant for the cynical youth of today.
'Give me a kick'
'Go away, bog breath'.
etc....

 

[Postie]

My invention is a device that detects shit odours in a nappy.How it works is you stick it on the outside of a a newborn babys nappy and when the baby shits an alarm style noise goes off alerting the parent.It will reduce nappie rash by loads as you will know straight away that baby needs changing and reacting quickly will reduce nappy rash and distress for baby.

 

[Bonanza]

now then dragon

my big idea is for a portable laptop style media player, for the boys, (well for shooms to be a bit more pin pointy)
its basically a box with a screen that also has a motorised massage sleeve/pouch thing underneath that you pop your tallywhacker in whilst you watch your filth on the train plane boring meeting or wherever the mood takes you it would be clever and massage the weapon to work in unison to whatever is going on in the film it would be designed to look like a normal laptop so it wouldn't really make you look out of place, i mean every man and his dog slide thier dongles into laptops when out and about these days it would have a handy little removable pouch for disposing of the. ok ok i will stop now but you get the idea.

names for this product on a postcard please.

Hahaha, this is clearly the invention of someone who gets a similar amount of sex as me, which is FOOK ALL at mo!!!

My fellow Dragon Debra Weed-on has stormed out in disgust, which is great cos lookin at her sour wrinkly face would put u of yer stroke. All the other Dragons have thorouhly tested ur invention out and it actually put a smile on that misserable Jock ones face!

We are so impressed that between us we have decided to chuck in the "full load"!!!

As for a name, how about "THE WANKOMATIC 1000"? Although the name may kinda give it away if you were sat on a train N that!.

 

[Bonanza]

'Hate Hearts', which are basically 'Love Heart' sweets with a negative slant for the cynical youth of today.
'Give me a kick'
'Go away, bog breath'.
etc....

Hahaha, yes i know a few teenagers who these would be ideal for!

Maybe they could taste horrible as well, just to add to their missery and give them something else to moan about?

Me and that new Dragon who looks like Cruella De Ville will go halves on this one, but only if you also bring out a line of proper offensive ones and also some mucky ones?

 

[Bonanza]

My invention is a device that detects shit odours in a nappy.How it works is you stick it on the outside of a a newborn babys nappy and when the baby shits an alarm style noise goes off alerting the parent.It will reduce nappie rash by loads as you will know straight away that baby needs changing and reacting quickly will reduce nappy rash and distress for baby.

Drunken Ballantyne wants to know if you make an adult version, as he is ancient and regulary shites himself nowadays?

Why not make the alarm musical (Disney tunes or something), so it further distracts the baby from the fact it is sitting in its own waste?
:S

 

[Jiglo]

Like this ??

Used to have one years ago in my hi-fi rules days with a brush on the end.

What a load of fooking hassle, didn`t last long.

View attachment 31980

Ah, great minds....

I want one

 

[Jiglo]

now then dragon

my big idea is for a portable laptop style media player, for the boys, (well for shooms to be a bit more pin pointy)
its basically a box with a screen that also has a motorised massage sleeve/pouch thing underneath that you pop your tallywhacker in whilst you watch your filth on the train plane boring meeting or wherever the mood takes you it would be clever and massage the weapon to work in unison to whatever is going on in the film it would be designed to look like a normal laptop so it wouldn't really make you look out of place, i mean every man and his dog slide thier dongles into laptops when out and about these days it would have a handy little removable pouch for disposing of the. ok ok i will stop now but you get the idea.

names for this product on a postcard please.

I'll take 3 :beer:

 

[Jiglo]

Mine is simple- A women that is always happy and horny...... This time next year i will be a millionare

If only ray: :lol: