Baaad Farts.

[Amelie]

What food sourse makes your farts smell the most rank then? For me, i would say curry. Last night i had a really hot one, and today my farts smell like a collision between a jar of bovril and a jalapeno pepper pickers hands. Needless to say, i am avoiding putting any form of nikid flame near my arse.

Go on, tell us yours then.

 

[fred_funk]

Fast food such as McDonalds/Burger King etc.

 

[Jonno]

What food sourse makes your farts smell the most rank then? For me, i would say curry. Last night i had a really hot one, and today my farts smell like a collision between a jar of bovril and a jalapeno pepper pickers hands. Needless to say, i am avoiding putting any form of nikid flame near my arse.

But you've told me you never fart, ever

 

[Amelie]

But you've told me you never fart, ever

I don't, at least not in front of you. You fart enough for both of us mon cherie. And all of them quality ones too.

 

[Shooms]

Amelie I would've laid money that your farts were as fragrant as dew on a meadow one summers morn or like waking to the aroma of freshly brewed coffee after a night on the lash... or the heady & intoxicating aroma of the finest French perfume..... in fact I would've said you didn't even fart as such.... certainly no uncouth raspers... more of a gentle pffffff like a sigh from an angel or one of those Haze plugin smellies that has a timer....

 

[Amelie]

Fast food such as McDonalds/Burger King etc.

What do they smell like then? Don't be shy, you could say something like 'A McDonalds fart is like a rotting sheeps carcass with a stale Warby's overtone, and mellow notes of over-ripe acidic tomatoes that have been left on the vine too long'. Something like that, just so we can picture it like.

 

[Amelie]

Amelie I would've laid money that your farts were as fragrant as dew on a meadow one summers morn or like waking to the aroma of freshly brewed coffee after a night on the lash... or the heady & intoxicating aroma of the finest French perfume..... in fact I would've said you didn't even fart as such.... certainly no uncouth raspers... more of a gentle pffffff like a sigh from an angel or one of those Haze plugin smellies that has a timer....

Tis true, they normally smell of pot pourri, but today its like my ass is hoarding some evil gas that could be used as war weponary. I am like a frikkin skunk.

 

[blue jammer]

Pizza with the following toppings: Pepperoni, Spicy Beef & Onions/extra cheese can produce some gas that can take out a whole shopping centre at the drop of an arse biscuit.

I'd say the biggest fart producer other than curry would be the Donner Kebab, mixed with their finest 'ow shit it fuckin hot' chilli sauce (looks like roadkill when mixed) that can have the effect of rancid gut smells the next day, the type of farts that you can't even stomach yourself, and it's safe to say a journey to the throne is required ASAP to let your insides gently fall out...

 

[Amelie]

Is anyone going to own up then to actually thinking their own farts smell nice?

 

[Shooms]

I'd say the biggest fart producer other than curry would be the Donner Kebab, mixed with their finest 'ow shit it fuckin hot' chilli sauce (looks like roadkill when mixed) that can have the effect of rancid gut smells the next day, the type of farts that you can't even stomach yourself, and it's safe to say a journey to the throne is required ASAP to let your insides gently fall out...

Yep.... that's the one.... kebab farts are the skankiest... every morning after a kebab I smell the toxic odours ommited fom my botty & think if that's the state of me farts frig knows what me guts are like...

sweaty, skanky meat served by someone with eczema & halitosis.... food of the gods

 

[Amelie]

Jonno does a fair few shocking ones when he has had a double fish combo tea. Say smoked salmon pate for startes, then some kinda fish main. Owwww man, its bad the next day, he finds it hilarious to sit on my face and let one rip an all.

You can recreate this at home if you like, just to get the extent of the horror he puts me through. Get a tin of wiskers trout and tuna and leave it out in the sun for a week, mix it with an oxo cube and any kipper heads you have floating araaaand and then fill a balloon with this motley mixture. Then, simply put it over your bonse and pop it, hey presto you will have all the aromo of a Jonno double finsh combo fart.

 

[Amelie]

I spy with my little eye that stinky bum is replying. Whatever he says don't belive him! Dat boy he lie!

 

[Jonno]

Jonno does a fair few shocking ones when he has had a double fish combo tea. Say smoked salmon pate for startes, then some kinda fish main. Owwww man, its bad the next day, he finds it hilarious to sit on my face and let one rip an all.

Lol, this simply doesn't happen.

Not least because you would kill me if I tried it!

 

[Shooms]

Lol, this simply doesn't happen.

Not least because you would kill me if I tried it!

lmao you know no matter how much you remonstrate it'll be futile

 

[Amelie]

Yeah deffo dude- we belive ya's. Check out them Nice as Pie flyers you have then- where it says your name , how come it says 'AKA DJ Rancid Ass' next to it? Thats what you were known as round our neck of the woods anyway. Fuck following a convoy, we just followed the smell of your farts.

 

[Jonno]

I spy with my little eye that stinky bum is replying. Whatever he says don't belive him! Dat boy he lie!

Lol, carry on and you'll get a roll mop herring / fish pie combo spesh when I returneth home

 

[Lozzie]

Alcohol...thats the worst. There is always a "gas" like tang to them too...and they're bad!!!
I find stella to be by far and away the worst!


Or any green Veg. Just don't even go there!


Sonz once farted...and thought it smelled nice!!!

 

[Elev8/Levit8]

couldn't let this thread pass (geddit?) without adding my two-penn'orth...

I'm with Lozzer... for me it's the booze that's the worst.

Nothing does for my own arse-ary emissions more than a good night on the guinness...

It's a robust, full-bodied rotting-veg type fragrance with distinct overtones of egg. Pungent enough to not only make yer eyes water, but leave yer nose itching as well.

All wholesome & healthy though (nothing that satisfying can possibly be bad for you) Sometimes the frequency at which they arrive and the sheer volume of gas shifted is a bit of a worry, as is the ever present danger of the follow-through, known to the cognoscenti as "Paddy's gamble" (read the small-print on the side of a pint of guinness)...

There's nothing like the texture of sweaty heavy cotton bedsheets for an aroma to cling to either, which all helps to prolong the lingerage.

Others may be driven to commit murder by the progeny of my arsehole after a night on the black stuff, but I love them all. Each and every one.

 

[martin]

Ave never really noticed any serious food to fart catastrothies but i can tell you something to try, you never done a suger puff piss, you take a bowl of suger puffs in the morning and by mid-day your pish smells like suger-puffs. ave mentioned this to a few peeps and they have tryed it and had the same results, remember to wash your hands b4 eating and after using the toilet,


Martin C............

What food sourse makes your farts smell the most rank then? For me, i would say curry. Last night i had a really hot one, and today my farts smell like a collision between a jar of bovril and a jalapeno pepper pickers hands. Needless to say, i am avoiding putting any form of nikid flame near my arse.

Go on, tell us yours then.

 

[Jiglo]

Everybody likes their own brand but there's something about the smell from fish chips and peas on chippy night that makes me disgusted with myself