Best friend troubles.

[Amelie]

Oh God, its been in the post for friggin ages- after years of relative calm me and my 'best' friend have had a barny over the blower.

She phones me, in the usual bad mood which i have to coax her out of, when i ask her where she has been shes like 'nowhere', what you up to this weekend i ask 'nowt'- that kind of thing. So i normally take it- i have done for years, but today i thought fuck it- and i just couldn't be arsed trying so hard this time. So i try and finish the phone call by saying that i would give her a ring and we could meet up or something in the pub over the next few days- and she goes 'ha, make plans with you are you having a fucking laugh- you always cancel, you're always to busy with Jonno'. So i just go 'oh forget it then' and put the phone down! I have never ever done anything so brave with her.

I just find it so hard to address the lovelife/friend balance. If i go out with my friends, the boyfriend moans (infact, last time he just sat on the floor in the living room flicking the lamp on and off in a wierd stylee till i came home) and then when i say i am busy to my friend, she goes all mental and says i am a 50's housewife. If my boyfriend ever phones when i am out with her she goes crazy, saying he is stalking me and shit lol.

I hate it now we have fallen out, we have never do so before- in the last 20 mins she has sent me 3 texts and keeps ringing the home phone but i don't want to pick up incase all the last few months of anger come out. I feel all wierd and shakey.

Anyone else have friend trouble, or worse like me have to try and juggle to very demanding people on a daily basis?

 

[Amelie]

Oh and to add to the drama, i have a new 'bitch' trying to be a close freind, who i quite simply don't have time for, as nice as she is. She is now bringing me flowers and turning up unannounced which is getting me even in more hot water with the other friend. Jonno is encouraging this blossoming friendship (that i don't want/need) no end as he see's her as prefferable to my best friend who he thinks is the wicked witch of the west.

I am just going to spend the day drinking left over wine i think on my own.

 

[blue jammer]

I think you should start your own forum, with the main bit being 'problem page'

Re friend #1. sometimes you do get to the end of your tether and it's good to either rant, or sever the ties with someone, there's only so long you can put up with people whining on and on, when you give them the same advice countless times, and they just come back with the same things again and again, like ariston etc!

Friends/partners is a balance thing, you need time with both, else you lose friends, and risk 'smothering' your partner, which leads to continual arguements, falling out etc. Finding that balance can be tricky.

Must admit to chuckling at someone else when they said "I bet Jonno cringes every time you are on a pc"

You're very open with things, not a bad thing I suppose, unless Jonno prefers to keep everything private, bit like I do

By the way, that thing you said to me ages and ages ago, you were right about both people

 

[Amelie]

I just phoned my sister to tell her what happend, and she goes 'well you are a bit crap though, you never visit me'.

Jesus, i am terrified of opening the door today incase people are queing up to have a pop as its apparantly have a go at amelie day.

Looking an the bright side, it must be because i am so ace lol that people are scrapping over spending time with me

 

[Amelie]

I think you should start your own forum, with the main bit being 'problem page'

Re friend #1. sometimes you do get to the end of your tether and it's good to either rant, or sever the ties with someone, there's only so long you can put up with people whining on and on, when you give them the same advice countless times, and they just come back with the same things again and again, like ariston etc!

Friends/partners is a balance thing, you need time with both, else you lose friends, and risk 'smothering' your partner, which leads to continual arguements, falling out etc. Finding that balance can be tricky.

Must admit to chuckling at someone else when they said "I bet Jonno cringes every time you are on a pc"

You're very open with things, not a bad thing I suppose, unless Jonno prefers to keep everything private, bit like I do

By the way, that thing you said to me ages and ages ago, you were right about both people

Sod off! Half my shit is said in jest, surley thats obvious. I am open, but its not like my problems are of a personal nature, more of something to have a chat about- life issues i like to call them lol.

 

[Amelie]

I reck that its dead hard for females in close relationships- its like having another boyfreind but without the sex. I think its far easier being a bloke full stop in every aspect of life, certainly on the mates front. Blokes tend not to be arsed if you see them often, where as i think for most women its an unsaid rule that they have to be nearly, if not as important as the boyfriend. My problem, i think is that i am more like a bloke and tend not to get hung up over how many times someone makes the effort. Life is too short- if someones busy then so be it.

 

[nathan]

erm....

I reck that its dead hard for females in close relationships- its like having another boyfreind but without the sex. I think its far easier being a bloke full stop in every aspect of life, certainly on the mates front. Blokes tend not to be arsed if you see them often, where as i think for most women its an unsaid rule that they have to be nearly, if not as important as the boyfriend. My problem, i think is that i am more like a bloke and tend not to get hung up over how many times someone makes the effort. Life is too short- if someones busy then so be it.

friends are usually there forever whereas boyfriends and girlfriends often aren't.
IMHO girls are a lot quicker to turn their backs on their friends once they have a man. It must be that whole 'nesting' thing. In reality a decent partner and group of friends should be understanding when you want to spend time with the other

 

[Amelie]

friends are usually there forever whereas boyfriends and girlfriends often aren't.
IMHO girls are a lot quicker to turn their backs on their friends once they have a man. It must be that whole 'nesting' thing. In reality a decent partner and group of friends should be understanding when you want to spend time with the other

Wise words old man, everyone is understanding (ish) to a point, problem is i am so much frigging fun they all want me .

I am going to do a rota, agreed by everyone- and not change it- its the only way forward lol.

 

[Northern Star]

Yep think we all have this sort of relationship with close friends...me n my bezzy m8 (one of them) only live about 5 miniutes from each other yet i can go months without seeing her....musically we are both very different but we still care lots about each other...i know i say she never comes to mine and it always seems like im going to her all the time so i put my foot down sometimes which is why i wont go to hers but at the end of the day we both know that if either of us has a prob we'd be there had a falling out one or two times but it all gets sorted eventually

My life long friend sharon who lives in rishton which is a bit further never ever bothers calling me and has never been to my house which ive been in for 4 yrs so thats one friendship ive given up on if she cant even make the effort one or twice in a yr then why should i bother :$ prolly a bit fickle on my part but its only right....these things cant be one sided i certainly dont like it that way...... ill get my xmas card via her mum who i see once a yr on xmas day usually

Im sure things willl sort themselves out amelie they usually do....why dont you both try and arrange something together and stick to it....

 

[Kaiser25]

Amelie, I don't envy your situation one little bit!

I'm in the same situation myself - been friends with the same group of girls since we left school but lately a few of us have seemed to drift apart. We bump into each other almost daily cos we work in the same area and it's all "I'll give you a bell in the week" (we know that we won't but both think we have to say it) and small talk, it's just so fake to be honest. I hate controntation anyway so have decided to keep stum, although I know when I'm out one weekend and and we happen to bump into eachother 'under the influence' it's all gonna come out.

If I had any sense about me, I'd suggest maybe going for a drink and clearing the air but then I'm far too stubbon and things would end up being said that are better than being unsaid! Saying that, at least the air could be cleared and we'd know where we stand.

Not exactly advice as such, just to let you know I understand how frustrating it can be!!

 

[Amelie]

Amelie, I don't envy your situation one little bit!

I'm in the same situation myself - been friends with the same group of girls since we left school but lately a few of us have seemed to drift apart. We bump into each other almost daily cos we work in the same area and it's all "I'll give you a bell in the week" (we know that we won't but both think we have to say it) and small talk, it's just so fake to be honest. I hate controntation anyway so have decided to keep stum, although I know when I'm out one weekend and and we happen to bump into eachother 'under the influence' it's all gonna come out.

If I had any sense about me, I'd suggest maybe going for a drink and clearing the air but then I'm far too stubbon and things would end up being said that are better than being unsaid! Saying that, at least the air could be cleared and we'd know where we stand.


Not exactly advice as such, just to let you know I understand how frustrating it can be!!

Lol i will ring her and arrange to meet up- although i will probs have to cancel last min and start having to make up for it all over again.

I think the problem is that i am so happy with my boyfriend that i just want to spend time with him, he feels the same yet his freinds don't seem to mind. Its just me that gets all the grief. I do have fun with my friends, its just always better when i am with my boyfriend.

 

[sweet sensation]

Get rid of all the dead wood, its makes you feel loads better

 

[nathan]

although i will probs have to cancel last min

there's your problem right there

 

[nics]

when i got with my ex years ago i put my all into the relationship and i did lose a lot of friends coz of this but it didnt bother me coz i wouldnt have the life i have now if had of stayed intouch with them.............sounds daft, but everything happens for a reason and at the mo im happy with the way things turned out despite all the shite

i agree with sweets get rid of the dead wood

i have a lot of time for the friends n mates in my life and sometimes dont see them from one week to the next but i know they will always be there for me if i needed them

one friend realy pisses me off, she never visits me even tho she visits her grandma that lives a stones throw away from me every week and when you speak to her its always woe is me yada yada......... dead wood time i think????

amelie, im the same sometimes, you cant do wrong for doing right, if you please somebody your always pissing somebody else off bit of thought n compramise and even if ya cant get to visit em theres nowt wrong with a 2 min fone call atleast ur trying

 

[jenwah]

i reckon it can b dead hard to find a good balance wit mates and relationships. but i have never really had true friends till i met the ones i have now, they have never really been worth my time, and as soon as i have got into a relationship, they have buggered me off.

now that i have got friends who i kow are gonna b there for me all the time as they have for the past 3 years, i reckon if i did get inot a relationship, it will b quite difficult.

my best friend live across the way from me, and i dont c her loads, but she is still my best mate, she never throws it in my face when i cant go over and see her, she knows i work a lot, and have a lot of uni work n stuff.....she's jus got a new boyfriends, and she spends a lot of time wit him, but she alsways finds time to spk to me pretty much every day if nothin else.

she's ace she does dead nice things like surprises me at my work when i finish and we get drunk together there haha

 

[Lozzie]

Well, Me and veeble had a *ahem...heated debate this morning. But all is well now. We live together and sometimes things crop up that piss you off. And usually PEOPLE DON'T SAY ANYHTING AND JUST SIMMER AWAY FOR AAAAAGES. That grates on you, and makes you a grumpy f*cker. So better to say whats on your mind there and then and cleanse it out of your system instead of resenting.(i have come to this conclusion after years of being pissed off at others, when it was me, who should have just said):S

It is hard, coz with some people no matter how you word it...it's gonna get taken the wrong way. But better to have a bit of an arguement (only a small therapeutic one mind...not smash the house in) then talk it through...


Its hard. Its bloody reeeeally hard. But relationships are. And yes, it is like being an old married couple sometimes...lol. But there is good bits too!


But on the other hand...some relationships are past the point of no return. people come and go in your life, when they are needed. It's the way things are...Like sweet says, "get rid of dead wood". No point letting it clutter your life, when somthing top could be in it's place eh?

 

[DJFINK]

Get rid of all the dead wood, its makes you feel loads better

spot on !!!!

 

[sirius]

I just like to add how ace it is with blokes, that you can not ring, call round, or do anything for weeks and weeks, then just pick up where you left off lol.

I also love the way blokes can easily sit quiet in a car journey, from say Blackburn to Blackpool and futher, with just tunes on, or the radio, and not have the insistance to talk shite and gossip just for the inane sake of it like women do. "He said, she said, they said"..........etc.

Amelie, is it the case that Friend number one has trouble being postive and making decisions? Or that they are so into a 'routine' of behaviour such as not being forthcoming with small talk or responding in a set pattern even though they dont mean to??? Its easily done.

Friend No2 sounds like a desperado, and potential case for a restriction order. lol. Nah, its cool to be such a magnet, but dont go shunning one for the other as a way of replacing the first.

Anyway, I just had to once again rub it in how blokes have it easier


Sirius.

 

[sweet sensation]

I just like to add how ace it is with blokes, that you can not ring, call round, or do anything for weeks and weeks, then just pick up where you left off lol.

I am like this with all my mates Its not just a bloke thing, its a secure thing Ive got mates that Ive not spoken to for years, but I know if I see them again it will be exactly the same Mates like that are very special and Im proud to say I have quite a few all over the world

I also love the way blokes can easily sit quiet in a car journey, from say Blackburn to Blackpool and futher, with just tunes on, or the radio, and not have the insistance to talk shite and gossip just for the inane sake of it like women do. "He said, she said, they said"..........etc.

this has made me giggle so much cos me and Pauly had this convo the other day in the car lol!!! When Pauly gets in a car he doesnt shut up, hes constantly making some sort of noise or other and dancing around (whilst driving I might add!!), while I on the other hand can go a whole journey without speaking and just enjoy the drive, the scenery and the music I tested him from my house in Sale to The Lowry the other day and it nearly killed him not speaking!!! he just grunted a few times and even texted me what he wanted to say lol!!!!


Aww Pauly I love you really

 

[T.C]

I'm pretty lucky really, all the mates who matter the most to me seem to have the balance fairly sussed. We know we're always there for eachother no matter what but yet have our own lives too . I'm not really the type who does / could get too close to people who are too 'drama queen' anyway tbh, it'd get right on my tits.
Another sucess story with my lot is that we are straight with eachother and that helps. Simmering resentment only blows up in worse ways eventually. When you know eachother well enough its easy to know how to handle things, for instance my lot know if i've got on one me / am in hermit mode then they just leave me the fcuk alone! Not becuase they arent arsed, just because thats how I operate and they respect that .

Me and my best buddies keep it simple Reckon thats the key.