the case against:
So you see, the Fonz was not cool. No one on that show was cool. It was fucking Milwaukee.
PROVE ME WRONG!!
- Ok, first off, Fonzie was at the youngest in his late twenties, and was probably, more realistically in his thirties. So here you have a 30+ year old guy living above the garage of the Cumminghams who were his parent figures. So he was 30 or more and still lived at home.
- The legendary tough guy of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, the Fonz, was twerpy and couldn't strike fear into a troop of Girl Scouts, let alone a biker gang. Furthermore, he was unattractive, so how could he truly be the ladies man everyone thought him to be? The bike and leather jacket can only get you so far, Fonzie. Ralph Malph tried it, remember? It didn't work for him.
- He dated Laverne from Laverne and Shirley for chrissake. He fucked Penny fucking Marshall. How desperate do you have to be before you fuck Penny Marshall?
- Furthermore, sticking with the Laverne and Shirley theme, he hung out with Lenny and Squiggy. This speaks for itself. These guys are a stigma. No self respecting person would associate with them of their own volition.
- The Fonz was an uneducated, high school drop out who had to graduate when he was in his 30s. In addition, he felt he was too cool to read Shakespeare and read all together. His idea of literature was a car magazine or a girlie calendar.
- Arthur Fonzarelli was supposedly a super cool biker, yet every time they showed him riding his motorcycle he would get into an accident. So he was a poseur biker who couldn't ride his own fucking bike.
- Also, if he was a tough biker, why didn't he have any tattooes or facial hair? And why didn't he ride with a "cool" biker gang? Because he had no friends, which is amiable, but definitely does not classify one as "cool" in the eyes of society.
- He walked around giving the thumbs up to everything saying his signature "Ay" throughout the show. How fucking pathetic. The day someone approaches me and says "Ay" while giving me the thumbs up, I'm going to break a bottle over his head.
- The guy's office was a bathroom in a diner, for crying out loud. I mean, if he was shitting all the time he was in there, that would be kinda cool, but he would just stand around in the bathroom and annoy people who really did have to go. There's nothing worse than trying to use the bathroom when some asshole is just standing around in there, talking. Hey, asshole, this is my private time. Get the fuck out!. He didn't even have his own phone, he had to use the goddamn pay phone on the wall of the diner. Hey Fonz, you are 30 years old, get your own fucking phone line.
- Ok, if he is so cool, why does he associate with high school kids? Is he their mentor? Their professor at Coolsville U.? What gives? In fact, Fonzie can't hang around with bikers because they don't want his twerpy ass hanging out with them. He can't hang with people his own age because they will mock him for living at "home". He can't even hang with the "cool" kids in high school. So the Fonz resorts to befriending high school outcasts like Potsy Webber, Ralph Malph, and Richie Cunningham. And they love him for it. They think he is cool, because compared to them, he is cool. So the Fonz gets to further his deluded fantasies of being cool.
- On this same note, he only dated high school girls. Ok, so maybe this is kinda cool, but he's like 30 and dating teenagers which makes him a dirty old man by definition. And when was the last time someone called a dirty, old man cool?
- And finally, the very fact that Fonzie says he's "cool" everywhere he goes, makes him uncool. Anyone who needs to label themselves is a moron anyway.
So you see, the Fonz was not cool. No one on that show was cool. It was fucking Milwaukee.
PROVE ME WRONG!!
