Just read a few of these whilst in the bath, thought i would share them. I will add them as i go along a its taking me ages to type 
I can't be botherd with the names and add's though 
.
Letterbocks:
This consumer terrorism has gone to far. First it was glass in petfood, then fuse wire in baby food. And now while eating my cornflakes this morning i nearly choked on a small plastic dinosaur.What will these callous people think of next?
I thoght my luck was in the day a pretty girl approached me and asked me if i could get her a drink. Then i remembered- i was serving behind the bar at the time.
My son, who is unemployed decided to weed our nextdoorneighbours garden to pass the time. To his suprise, our delighted neighbour handed him £10 for his trouble. A most generous gesture.Naturally my son was over the moon- until the next day when a police officer arrived and arreste him. He's forgotten that i work for the DHSS, and had promptly reported him for carrying on paid work while claiming benefit.
Top tips:
Take your dustbin with you to the supermarket so you easily see which items you have just run out of.
Increase the life of your carpets by rolling them up and storing them in your garage
Everyday, make a list of everything you do and hand it in to your local police station. That way, you can be easily eliminated from their enquiries in the event of a crime.
Keep a tin of red paint in your car. If you see a motor accident you can pour it over yourself and pretend you were involved.
Save money on door bell batteries by going to the front door every two mins to see if there is anyone there.
When buying a camera, but two- then if you decide to sell one you can always take a picture for advertising purposes
I can't be botherd with the names and add's though .Letterbocks:
This consumer terrorism has gone to far. First it was glass in petfood, then fuse wire in baby food. And now while eating my cornflakes this morning i nearly choked on a small plastic dinosaur.What will these callous people think of next?
I thoght my luck was in the day a pretty girl approached me and asked me if i could get her a drink. Then i remembered- i was serving behind the bar at the time.
My son, who is unemployed decided to weed our nextdoorneighbours garden to pass the time. To his suprise, our delighted neighbour handed him £10 for his trouble. A most generous gesture.Naturally my son was over the moon- until the next day when a police officer arrived and arreste him. He's forgotten that i work for the DHSS, and had promptly reported him for carrying on paid work while claiming benefit.
Top tips:
Take your dustbin with you to the supermarket so you easily see which items you have just run out of.
Increase the life of your carpets by rolling them up and storing them in your garage
Everyday, make a list of everything you do and hand it in to your local police station. That way, you can be easily eliminated from their enquiries in the event of a crime.
Keep a tin of red paint in your car. If you see a motor accident you can pour it over yourself and pretend you were involved.
Save money on door bell batteries by going to the front door every two mins to see if there is anyone there.
When buying a camera, but two- then if you decide to sell one you can always take a picture for advertising purposes
