Freezing and bursting for a piss in the van earlier, after getting stuck in a traffic jam, reminded me of the time a few years back when it was my turn to ride in the back of the van as we headed off to do a job about 2 hours drive away.
This day though was particularly cold and I didn't have a jacket with me. As is usually the case too, I felt warm enough for about the first 20 minutes in the back then I started to feel colder and colder as the journey progressed
After about a hour I was bloody freezing and i'd already discovered that the spare wheel was no substitute for a blanket and I was getting desperate, but being the sadistic set of cnuts my workmates were there was no chance of getting the lads to stop. I had to endure the cold and one of the consequences of being cold is that your bladder lets you know about it, so I was bursting for a piss and freezing to death. Another 20-30 minutes later I was about at bursting point and shivering, the only thing in the back of the van besides the spare wheel and our tools was a plastic rubbish bag. There was still no chance I was letting the lads know of my dilemma as it would have created a series of imaginary obstacle courses of bollards and emergency braking situations to make sure I pissed my pants
I held off as long as possible until I could take the pain no longer and decided to try using the the empty rubbish bag. Carefully I knelt into position and let nature take it's course and my oh my it was such an enormous relief that I was in ecstasy for about a minute and half of unbridled pleasure When i'd finished doing the deed I tied a couple of knots in the bag to prevent any spillage and started squeezing the big ball of liquid.....as you do ... and it felt lovely and warm
It was a miracle. I almost cried tears of joy as I snuggled up with my bag of piss
So what improvisation have you lot come up with? Maybe you're a joiner who had a flat tyre with no spare and knocked up a wheel out of wood for a bone shattering journey home, or maybe you fended off a mugger with a bit of rubber that was in your handbag
Let's hear about it then
This day though was particularly cold and I didn't have a jacket with me. As is usually the case too, I felt warm enough for about the first 20 minutes in the back then I started to feel colder and colder as the journey progressed
After about a hour I was bloody freezing and i'd already discovered that the spare wheel was no substitute for a blanket and I was getting desperate, but being the sadistic set of cnuts my workmates were there was no chance of getting the lads to stop. I had to endure the cold and one of the consequences of being cold is that your bladder lets you know about it, so I was bursting for a piss and freezing to death. Another 20-30 minutes later I was about at bursting point and shivering, the only thing in the back of the van besides the spare wheel and our tools was a plastic rubbish bag. There was still no chance I was letting the lads know of my dilemma as it would have created a series of imaginary obstacle courses of bollards and emergency braking situations to make sure I pissed my pants
I held off as long as possible until I could take the pain no longer and decided to try using the the empty rubbish bag. Carefully I knelt into position and let nature take it's course and my oh my it was such an enormous relief that I was in ecstasy for about a minute and half of unbridled pleasure
When i'd finished doing the deed I tied a couple of knots in the bag to prevent any spillage and started squeezing the big ball of liquid.....as you do ... and it felt lovely and warmIt was a miracle. I almost cried tears of joy as I snuggled up with my bag of piss
So what improvisation have you lot come up with? Maybe you're a joiner who had a flat tyre with no spare and knocked up a wheel out of wood for a bone shattering journey home, or maybe you fended off a mugger with a bit of rubber that was in your handbag
Let's hear about it then
