- Jul 18, 2001
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He died as soon as alternative comedy was born
There's a school of thought that would suggest that Bernard was 'alternative' comedy once the fascist PC brigade came along
Your favourite Bernard joke...
- Thread starter Shooms
- Start date
There's a school of thought that would suggest that Bernard was 'alternative' comedy once the fascist PC brigade came along
abso-bloody-exactly
No worse than telling a joke that starts with "There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman..."
or calling the welsh sheepshaggers
or making a joke about jews being tight with money
or poking fun at the Yanks for being overweight and having to do everything 10 times bigger & better than everone else
or how the French do nothing but chomp on onions
they're just jokes and they're all the same
There's a school of thought that would suggest that Bernard was 'alternative' comedy once the fascist PC brigade came along
No he decided to stick around as a fat racist ****
No he decided to stick around as a fat racist ****
Have to agree. I don't think it got to the stage where things had gone full circle he could be considered tongue in cheek........no loss to the comedy world in my opinion, but I have to respect him for the amount of money he raised for charity over a good 30 years - especially in North Manc (Booth Hall childrens hospital etc) plus he was a blue
Saying all that given the choice between Stan Boardman, Frank Carson and Jimmy Tarbuck......Bernard would win every time
One of his goes summat like this...
Bloke goes into the supermarket. The checkout girls scans his shopping:
1 tin of beans, 1 microwave meal, 1 carton of milk.
He is just about to pay when the checkout girl says to him "Your single, right?"
Quite impressed the man replies 'Yes - did you work that out by my shopping?'
She replies "No, its just that your a right ugly bastard!"
Bloke goes into the supermarket. The checkout girls scans his shopping:
1 tin of beans, 1 microwave meal, 1 carton of milk.
He is just about to pay when the checkout girl says to him "Your single, right?"
Quite impressed the man replies 'Yes - did you work that out by my shopping?'
She replies "No, its just that your a right ugly bastard!"
I wouldn't go as far to say racist, as he had never favoured ANY race or colour over the other - everyone but everyone was fair game.
Mind you the world would be a better place if the whole world had got a sense of humour and realise that maybe we all are not as perfect as we think and not take things too seriously (including blowing up buildings, buses and tube trains) which is a lot more severe than standing on a stage cracking a few jokes.
RIP the big man
Mind you the world would be a better place if the whole world had got a sense of humour and realise that maybe we all are not as perfect as we think and not take things too seriously (including blowing up buildings, buses and tube trains) which is a lot more severe than standing on a stage cracking a few jokes.
RIP the big man
mixster
New member
Funny as fook in my opinion - totally politically incorrect, but couldn't give a toss. I'm gutted i never made it to the Embassy Club, I reckon it would have been a bloody good night.
"I went to see Pavarotti sing last week. Terrible, miserable man. He doesn't like you joining in, does he?"
R.I.P Bernard
"I went to see Pavarotti sing last week. Terrible, miserable man. He doesn't like you joining in, does he?"
R.I.P Bernard
"Snow White's house got burned down. She went inside and heard a voice from under the floorboards saying: 'City will win the Cup, City will win the league.' Snow White said: 'Thank God Dopey's OK'!"
RIP Bernard you fat blue bastard
RIP Bernard you fat blue bastard
just been the pub and got a bernard cracker off a mate..::
china man moves next door to bernard, and want to decorate his front room.
"Hallo Mr Manning, i want decorate front room, how many rolls of paper do need? (in chinese accent lol)"
"No problem, you need 12 rolls"
"fank you"
The chinaman returns the next day and says:
"ah, mr manning, i decorate front room, but have 2 rolls left"
bernard : - "so did I"
china man moves next door to bernard, and want to decorate his front room.
"Hallo Mr Manning, i want decorate front room, how many rolls of paper do need? (in chinese accent lol)"
"No problem, you need 12 rolls"
"fank you"
The chinaman returns the next day and says:
"ah, mr manning, i decorate front room, but have 2 rolls left"
bernard : - "so did I"
No he decided to stick around as a fat racist ****
Please if you don't like it don't read it or listen to it
....... Freedom of speech is the biggest benefit of a free society and what this country is built on. (sorry was built on)Its the PC Lefty liberal brigade that is killing this country:| :|
Bernard Manning appealed to different generation...like it or lump it.
ikontraband
New member
comedy genius
the guy was a comedy genius form a bygone era , he pissed all over frank carson ,stan boardman and the likes on the COMEDIANS tv show ,in the 70s early 80s you could get away with takin the piss out of everyone , i mean ffs he told as many gags bout irish people and scousers and me n lisa would never be offended at all , plus we would prob piss ourselves laffin at them ,sometimes i think the worlds gone a little bit too PC crazy ,
he also did loads for charity , so i say R.I.P bernard ,cause you made a difference to so many less fortunate people ,and made most of us laff along the way..
anyways my fav joke of his was this from many years ago
i see all the scouse window cleaners have been given electric sanders for thier rounds now ,cause theres so many fuckin windows boarded up in Liverpool
the guy was a comedy genius form a bygone era , he pissed all over frank carson ,stan boardman and the likes on the COMEDIANS tv show ,in the 70s early 80s you could get away with takin the piss out of everyone , i mean ffs he told as many gags bout irish people and scousers and me n lisa would never be offended at all , plus we would prob piss ourselves laffin at them ,sometimes i think the worlds gone a little bit too PC crazy ,
he also did loads for charity , so i say R.I.P bernard ,cause you made a difference to so many less fortunate people ,and made most of us laff along the way..
anyways my fav joke of his was this from many years ago
i see all the scouse window cleaners have been given electric sanders for thier rounds now ,cause theres so many fuckin windows boarded up in Liverpool
Please if you don't like it don't read it or listen to it
Its the PC Lefty liberal brigade that is killing this country:| :|
Bernard Manning appealed to different generation...like it or lump it.
I agree that the lefties went too far with other issues. Thats not my point.
I'm just glad that Manning and others became unpopular for preaching thier racist and sexist veiws
I have the freedom of speech to and can certainly say I dont miss the twat!
I agree that the lefties went too far with other issues. Thats not my point.
I'm just glad that Manning and others became unpopular for preaching thier racist and sexist veiws
I have the freedom of speech to and can certainly say I dont miss the twat!
yep agree completely...but manning and others like him have the right to use racist or sexist material.....if you don't like it you turn it of.
As someone else said, its not as bad as so called members of our society bombing and maming inocent people in the name of religion, and its the PC brigade that would rather slate a comedian than get tough with the extremists....what the fuck is all that about:|
Im afraid that most people are afraid to voice their true opinion, as the lefty PC brigade will object immediately....
A few years ago when we expanded our showroom we decided to have bernard do a session for us lads. Not sure how much he cost but he was well worth it. I dont think i have laughed so much even when he randomly took the piss out of us all (including the boss)
My dad used to live in salford too many moons ago and went to the enbassy a few times and always rated him as a comedian. I dont see him as a racist as much as some people but i do understand how he came across.
When he did our session he was joking about not being well and you sort of knew he wasnt gonna be around much longer but that was a good 5 years ago so he did ok.
Anyways RIP bernard.
My dad used to live in salford too many moons ago and went to the enbassy a few times and always rated him as a comedian. I dont see him as a racist as much as some people but i do understand how he came across.
When he did our session he was joking about not being well and you sort of knew he wasnt gonna be around much longer but that was a good 5 years ago so he did ok.
Anyways RIP bernard.
LOL...because being happy someone is dead is a much nicer trait than telling jokes
I'm glad I don't get offended every time someone tells a scouse joke..I wouldn't be able to be a part of this board otherwise
You can't take everything too seriously...I bought Stee(a Manc) a book of Scouse jokes for Christmas ffs
I hate the fat get, sexist IMO
I went to see him once with one of my friends who is a little overweight to say the least, and also one hell of a quick witted guy.
I realy did not want to go, but i went because he liked him, and im a good friend...so you do. Anyway, we got about half way through the show, and my friend wants to go to the toilet, but won't for the fear of a heckle...anyway after about 5mins of wriggling and thinking he gets up to go to the toilet, and as expected Bernard shouts "Where you going you fat B@stard", My m8 replies (quick as u like) "Im off to the bog before the comedian comes on".......Shut him right up !!!!....he did not have an answear, just complimented my friend on the best heckle he ever had
FPMSL......Turned out to be a funny evening after all
I went to see him once with one of my friends who is a little overweight to say the least, and also one hell of a quick witted guy.
I realy did not want to go, but i went because he liked him, and im a good friend...so you do. Anyway, we got about half way through the show, and my friend wants to go to the toilet, but won't for the fear of a heckle...anyway after about 5mins of wriggling and thinking he gets up to go to the toilet, and as expected Bernard shouts "Where you going you fat B@stard", My m8 replies (quick as u like) "Im off to the bog before the comedian comes on".......Shut him right up !!!!....he did not have an answear, just complimented my friend on the best heckle he ever had
FPMSL......Turned out to be a funny evening after all
I hate the fat get, sexist IMO
I went to see him once with one of my friends who is a little overweight to say the least, and also one hell of a quick witted guy.
I realy did not want to go, but i went because he liked him, and im a good friend...so you do. Anyway, we got about half way through the show, and my friend wants to go to the toilet, but won't for the fear of a heckle...anyway after about 5mins of wriggling and thinking he gets up to go to the toilet, and as expected Bernard shouts "Where you going you fat B@stard", My m8 replies (quick as u like) "Im off to the bog before the comedian comes on".......Shut him right up !!!!....he did not have an answear, just complimented my friend on the best heckle he ever had
FPMSL......Turned out to be a funny evening after all
lol, quality comeback
I hate the fat get, sexist IMO
I went to see him once with one of my friends who is a little overweight to say the least, and also one hell of a quick witted guy.
I realy did not want to go, but i went because he liked him, and im a good friend...so you do. Anyway, we got about half way through the show, and my friend wants to go to the toilet, but won't for the fear of a heckle...anyway after about 5mins of wriggling and thinking he gets up to go to the toilet, and as expected Bernard shouts "Where you going you fat B@stard", My m8 replies (quick as u like) "Im off to the bog before the comedian comes on".......Shut him right up !!!!....he did not have an answear, just complimented my friend on the best heckle he ever had
FPMSL......Turned out to be a funny evening after all
Mate my dad used to tell me that one years ago - as in it happened in the 1970s
