Can males and females ever be platonic friends?

[Amelie]

Just got off the phone after talking to my wound up female freind. A new man has started to work with her, and he is new to the area and as such has no friends as yet. Anyway they were chatting about a film they both wanted to see, and her boyfriend didnt, so he sugested that they go together. No problemo, she thought it was great and said perhaps a few drinks afterwards would be great too, maybe get something to eat.

Anyway, when she told her boyfriend this he flipped, said 'no way are you going out on a with another man, you can do this with a female but not a male, no way'. So its not that she is going to the flicks with someone else, more the sex of the person.

He is of the thinking that males and females can never really be friends, that there is always some underlying sexual tension there, lol or as he put it 'he would still look at your tits if you went swimming togehter, no girl would' , but i think that as long as you make it clear from the start, then its okay.

Surley men and women can be friends without ever having sexual thoughts for one another, i have many male freinds who i would feel physically sick towards if they thought of me as anything more than a friend, even the very attractive ones- its like in my head they are mates and so always will be.

So do you think her boyfriend is right, or should it just be treated the same as if a new female had started at her place?

Also, its a hairdressers so chances are he is gay anyway

 

[doolz]

oh come on a girl would flip too if her boyfriend was taking a girl to the flicks and maybe drinks n meal after

i dont think this is a male female thing i think its human nature most people would be jelous in this situation

if the girl in questuon had known this guy for yrs etc it might be ok but since this guys new to town i can see why her b/f is just a little miffed

 

[ClaireW]

Yeah I sort of agree with Doolz a girl wouldnt like it if it was the other way round but I can see what your saying about the lad being a mate. But I have to admit if my b/f (not that I got one :$ ) said to me he was going to the pics with a new girl in town you would begin to wonder, even if he was only being friendly. I too have a lot of close boy friends and that all it is so I can see where your coming from about them just being mates cos it can happen like that like ya said Amelie a lot of the lad mates I have I would never think of them as anything more than just a friend. Again you said it yourself its like in my head they are mates and so always will be.

I would say how about inviting a few more people along to make it more than just the girl and lad and maybe even the girl could bring her b/f and everyone would be happy

 

[ste huxley]

if they dont fancy each other then OK they wont shag or whatever (or be tempted to cheat, or 1 might make a pass etc etc)

I dont think its fair, the pics meal n drinks. Both sexes would be pissed off at that, yeah bit o green eyed monster

 

[DJ Bin-Bag]

oh come on a girl would flip too if her boyfriend was taking a girl to the flicks and maybe drinks n meal after

i dont think this is a male female thing i think its human nature most people would be jelous in this situation

if the girl in questuon had known this guy for yrs etc it might be ok but since this guys new to town i can see why her b/f is just a little miffed

Hear Hear, with u on this doolz, women think were bein possesive, but which gender is obsessed eith checkin yer mobile while yer not lookin lol

 

[cam]

Yup ive had female friends and ended up in bed with them after a few.

No way id like any mrs of mine going out with another man, well thats if shes fair decent, if shes a bit of a moose and just there for me to kill some time till somthing decent comes along then theres no problem she can go out with who she likes

 

[Miss Cola]

I defo wouldnt want chris to go to the pics and have a meal, drinks ect with a girl i didnt even know, i would be asking myself wot this girl is up to, i wouldnt just go for this night out with a guy a hardly knew as i would be thinking he probably had a little more in mind and i know chris would flip too as he knows i would!

But yes i do think guys and gals can be the very best of friends, but in your m8s fellas case lesley, hes probably thinking diferent as he doesnt even know him!!

 

[Amelie]

So its all a trust thing, either a lack of trust for your girlfriend- or a lack of trust for the male that she will be with?

Is it not more a question of his insecurites over his self worth and trust within the relationship then a question of two freinds integrity and open freindship developing as it would if they were the same gender?

So if you saw the person that your partner was going to spend the evening with, and they had a really bad facial tick, wore a tracksuit from tesco, no teeth etc you would feel better right? Of course you would. So is it all down to how you view yourself?

But for those men who say its not on, do you have female friends, and if so have you ever thought of then in a sexual way when really you shouldnt? Or can you train your thoughts to know that its just not acceptable?

 

[marchwiel]

I think that men and women can be platonic friends. One of my best friends is female and I've known her for 14 years without any thought of anything other than going out clubbing, pubs, etc.

Also, I would have no problem with my missus going to the pictures with someone new to her work if she had similar intersts as this guy. I would have to trust that she thinks this guy isn't some lunatic and in my view, if she was going to be unfaithful with this guy, me telling her she can't go to the pictures with him isn't going to make one bit of difference in the long run. However, just to destroy my arguement, if I told my misus I was going out with a new woman from work she'd go absolutely ballistic .

 

[Amelie]

I think that men and women can be platonic friends. One of my best friends is female and I've known her for 14 years without any thought of anything other than going out clubbing, pubs, etc.

Also, I would have no problem with my missus going to the pictures with someone new to her work if she had similar intersts as this guy. I would have to trust that she thinks this guy isn't some lunatic and in my view, if she was going to be unfaithful with this guy, me telling her she can't go to the pictures with him isn't going to make one bit of difference in the long run. However, just to destroy my arguement, if I told my misus I was going out with a new woman from work she'd go absolutely ballistic .

yes i am the same as you, i wouldnt have a problem with it. I think if someones going to cheat on you, they are going to cheat on you.

 

[cam]

your right why not give them a helping hand and your blessing then ?

 

[ClaireW]

I think if someones going to cheat on you, they are going to cheat on you.

Yeah your right there chick so I would say to them its all about trust really

 

[Dr. Dodge]

This Should explain everything!

It's a bit of a long haul to read but its an explanation as to what her boyfriend is talkin about.

www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

and before you ask NO its not porn.

 

[ZENZEN]

I would agree with Doolz on this one, if it was him taking out a female friend for a film, food, drink or whatever. then it would be interesting to see her reaction. I find females can be a lot more jealous than males and they definitely do not forget things!! (probably get my ass kicked for saying that, sorry girls!!)

Anyways from past experience, I let my ex girlfriend go to see some film with a male friend of hers one night and didnt really mind. But here comes the good part, I was stopped God knows how many times after that by mates who had seen him and her out at the flicks and got asked everything under the sun. I got more questions from women friends asking how I could let her go to the pictures with another man?? So it's a vicious circle.

After that she started going out again and again with male friends to the cinema, parties, clubs... you name it, it got to a stage that she was seeing more of her friends than me, then she dumped me out of the blue. So I dont even know what went on or what the feck happened. I went along with it and ended up hurt, so from my past experience, I would definitely think twice.
but then again all women are different!!! LOL!!!

 

[GemGem]

if they dont fancy each other then OK they wont shag or whatever (or be tempted to cheat, or 1 might make a pass etc etc

True if you both don't fancy each other, but if one of u does or both then the situation of friendship is difficult!

 

[grad]

of course both men and women can be friends...


...once you've got the shagging out of the way.

 

[nathan]

that page is absolute

It's a bit of a long haul to read but its an explanation as to what her boyfriend is talkin about.

www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

and before you ask NO its not porn.

cack. I totally agree with amelies points. Remember the previous poll when a couple said when they were out with mates they still missed their partner and wished they were there? voila. If someone is gonna cheat they are not right for you anyway. Full-stop. If you don't wanna see the film then let your partner go with someone else. Jesus. I do honestly have a lot more female friends than male and there are plenty that I don't find physically attractive and i hope vica versa. It seems there are a few jeolous people on this board and thats okay it creeps into every relationship that involves strong feelings a bit it just has to be managed and you have to trust. If that trust has been broken before its even harder but we can't hold that against somebody else.

HOWEVER and I can't lie about this. Much as I'd like to. One of my best friends is female and I used to work with her. We got on sooo well and colleagues used to be a bit nudge nudge wink wink about it and I was like nah its never gonna happen. Anyway. One day she told me what her real feelings were and I was mortified. I felt dirty and lied to. I really did. I felt like the whole friendship was false. Two years later we got spannered and slept together. I don't fancy her at all and in the back of my mind I know why i did it. I did it cause I knew she wanted to. Simple as that. And things have been okay since. When friends meet us together especially females friends they tell me its obvious she is crazy about me. I hope this isn't still the case. I have another female friend that I have been friends with for 24 years. we fooled around as teenagers but nothing more and nothing will ever happen. Completely plutonic now. If I was committed to someone I'd like to think that I would NEVER EVER cheat on them or get so possessive that I wouldn't allow them to have male friends. It's very macho-egotistical

 

[northern minx]

by lesley
Can males and females ever be platonic friends?

i have to say absolutely

if u dont fancy someone then its just not possible for it to be anything other than platonic..

and if u do think someone is attractive and they is yr mate, then wot u share in the friendship is sometimes worth too much to risk, so u remain platonic, and it works well.

and this thing about the scenario with the cinema ect..
well all you need is trust and respect surely?..
if someone is gonna stray they will stray woteva..

and yeah the green eye monster may come out, but thats a problem with 'self' not the other half.. nowt worse than someone putting their insecurites and crap onto u.. but, if the relationship is strong, and honest and respectful then all of this would be discussed together.. and resolved together..

 

[Dr. Dodge]

The reason I posted that link was because it explains the reasons as to why the guy was jealous in the first place or is everyonecalimin that they don't rate the people that they meet. I don't see why men and women can't be plutonic friends. But still even with my own female friends this didn't stop me "ratin" them the first time I met them. Everybody does what matters is whether or not you do somethin about it.

 

[nowthen]

I can see where the boyfriend is comin from...theres no way I'd like Trace to go out on her own to the piccies (or any where) with a lad shes just met at work. In fact I woudn't have it at all!

Its not that I don't trust her, but I know what lads think like, cos I'm sure if I was single an a girl from work asked me to go pictures an a drink/meal with just her, then I'd think she fancied me.

Plus I'd be a bit worried as to why my missus wants to go out with someone else, even if I don't wanna watch a certain film, we could do something else together instead.

I know jelousy is not good, but lets have it right, we all feel it sometimes, an if yer don't at least get a twinge sometimes, then yer can't really feel that much for yer partner.